He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Houston, we have a squirter
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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