I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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