Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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