I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
