Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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