So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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