so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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