I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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