shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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