genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
