I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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