Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
