the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
