definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
