goodnight i made you a song goodbye
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
