i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
smell my finger.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
