Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
