You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
