He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
