oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
