I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
