Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
