I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
