wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
