dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
