Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
