wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
