he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
