hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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