I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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