I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
