she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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