She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You dont lie about slip and slides
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
