I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
