Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
