Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
