i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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