She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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