The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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