If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
