doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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