just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
