Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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