oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
