ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
