Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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