Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
