Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Is Oprah even human
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
