Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
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