you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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