she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
