You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Sext me about skeletons
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
