We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
