Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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