My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
