I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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