I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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